Alisha Headley
1. Wrestle with God before wrestling with your spouse.
One of the most valuable things I have learned about dealing with frustration in my marriage is it’s important to wrestle with God before wrestling with your spouse. It’s so easy to fly off the handle and react out of feelings and emotions that can ultimately cause a dent in your marriage.
To wrestle it out with God first means to literally leave the conversation with your spouse, walk away, and go into your private place and meet with God. It is there that you can unleash your emotions and feelings with Him. Wrestle your side of the argument with God first. Wrestle your frustration in your marriage with Him. Scream it out, cry it out, blurt it out. Give your point of view of the frustration to God first. Submit your husband and yourself to God first before you submit to the frustration.
(James 4:7) says to “submit to God, then resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” There are two parts to this verse. Submit to God, in other words, wrestle with Him, and in doing so, you are simultaneously resisting the devil who’s trying to wrap you up in frustration. By submitting to God, the devil will flee from you and your frustration with your spouse.
2. Think before you speak.
(James 1:19) gives us some qualities needed when facing frustration. James says to “be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Oh, how this sounds so amazing in theory, and our prayer should be to remember this wise Scripture in times of heightened frustration.
What we speak has more of an impact than we may understand. What we speak has the “power to speak life or death” (Proverbs 18:21) over our spouse and ultimately our marriage.
We must control our tongues because they can steer our lives, our relationships, and damage our marriage. Let’s begin to harness our tongue to the Spirit of God. Today, let’s realize the power we have in our tongues and let’s speak blessings and not death over all the frustrations we experience in our marriage.
3. Pursue peace (above all else).
(Romans 8:18) says, “if it is at all possible, as much as it depends on your, live peaceably with all men.” It’s not always easy to live at peace with someone you are frustrated with, but think of the time, thoughts, and effort you put into staying frustrated and angry with your spouse. God commands us to cultivate a house of peace, if possible. Continuing to be frustrated can lead down roads lacking peace.
The verses continue to say in verse 19-21, to “not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Let’s pursue peace and let’s allow God to then intervene. Let’s allow His peace to overwhelm our homes. If we seek God and pursue His peace above all else, we can trust that He will take care of the rest.
4. Stop the frustration cycle.
An amazing book that helped my husband and me handle frustration in our marriage is Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. In this book, he talks about the concept of the love and respect cycle that most marriages fall into. Often times, we get frustrated in our marriage because as women, we don’t feel love from our husbands, so we react in frustration with disrespect. While our husbands might not feel respect from us women, they then may react in frustration with their lack of love. Dr. Eggerichs describes this as the love and respect cycle, and this is something that can last for days, and sometimes weeks. It’s a frustration cycle that if not stopped, may continue down a road of detriment.
It’s our job as believers to get off this hamster-wheel cycle and realize the frustration behind it. If we can recognize that we are on the cycle, we can then get off the cycle and handle frustration in a much better and healthier way in our marriages.
