Sarah Hamaker
Pray
This can seem simplistic, but it’s so important for us to storm the gates of heaven on behalf of our children, especially when they are straying into dangerous sin territory. Let your teen know you are praying for them. But be careful you’re praying in a way that reflects our desire for God’s will in their lives and not our own understanding. If ever we need to “lean not on our own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5), it’s when praying for our rebellious teenager. We need to seek God on their behalf and our own, so that we would continue to hold fast to the truth and keep pointing the way to Christ.
Love Your Child
Be careful that not every interaction you have with your rebellious teen is negative or corrective. You need to show them you love them because they are your child. You may be disappointed in their current course, but you will always love them
Have an Open-Door Policy
If your teen hangs around a rougher crowd than you’d like, invite them to your house for dinner. Allow them to hang out in your rec room, watch your TV, eat your snacks, etc. You can certainly lay down house rules, such as no smoking or drinking on the premises, but you can also do your best to get to know these kids your teen wants to be around.
When they come, don’t be critical. Instead, ask them genuine questions about what they like, what they don’t like, who they live with, and what they enjoy doing in their free time. You might be surprised by some of the answers. Find a way to connect with them—your teen will appreciate it.
Stop Lecturing
I get it—it’s hard not to tell a teen how wrong they are, but remember back to your own teen years and how receptive you were when an adult or parent constantly harped on everything you did that wasn’t right. Believe me, they know they are doing things that displease you, but you’ll only alienate them if you keep beating the same drumbeat. If you must say something, say it once as concisely as possible, then leave it alone. You will find your teen will listen better if he knows you won’t be revisiting the topic during every encounter with them.
Evaluate Your Stance
Consider whether or not what you think is rebellion is truly rebellious. Shine the light of the gospel onto your own heart and make sure you are adhering to God’s Word and not your own thoughts. We want to be certain we are pointing the way to Christ, not to man’s standards, with our kids.
Let Go of the Small Stuff
I understand it can go against your values to have your teen get a tattoo, extra piercings, wear a particular clothing style, listen to whatever musical genre you deem inappropriate, or read banned books. But is damaging your relationship with them worth trying to make them toe the line you’ve drawn in the sand on these relatively minor things? Sometimes, the best recourse is to give a teen space to make their own judgment calls on their attire, musical and movie tastes, etc., and pray the Holy Spirit will convict when necessary.
Be Willing to Say You Were Wrong
We all make mistakes as parents; sometimes, those mistakes are more significant than others. We need to be willing to tell our teens we were wrong—and to be humble about it in the process. We need to show them how a follower of Christ apologizes when they’ve done something counter to God’s Word.
