Noelle Kirchner
1- “I Must Be Perfect”
True, there is a push in modern blogging to portray parenting imperfections that were formerly kept behind closed doors. Writers portray the messiness of family life, humorous moments, and parenting fails that often come with the territory. At the same time, however, social media continues to cast an unrealistic portrait. Facebook and Instagram encourage comparison as users scroll (messy stories or not), and already overburdened parents feel pressure to be Pinterest-ready.
One step that we can take as parents is to be willing to apologize to our children. Perfection is not reality—though we do try our best. Our children often see us as perfect, however, especially when they’re little. Their eyes are constantly monitoring and learning from our behavior. Imagine the freedom found when we cast off the air of perfection, personally drink in God’s mercy, and model life-giving grace and growth in our home.
2- “Keep Children Busy—it Keeps Them Out of Trouble”
It’s easy to live in a culture of rush. The tendency to schedule more and more for our children often comes from a good place. We want them to enjoy and advance in their talents. Further, we fear boredom might lead to trouble. The problem is when good things inadvertently choke out time for better things. Better things are family dinner time, parent-child conversation, and regular downtime. Each serves as a powerful grounding force for children.
Our need to honor and protect a rhythm of activity and rest in our families stems from God’s example in scripture. In the first creation story, God models good work and then the importance of stepping back to enjoy it. Further, the concept of Sabbath rest is later a biblical command found in the Ten Commandments. Just as God models Sabbath, we need to model it in our families. God calls us to live in a rhythm of not being stretched too thin so that our children learn how to recharge and we all have a reserve for life’s challenges.
3- “A Parent Knows Best”
The phenomenon of the Tiger Mom is an example of why this adage is problematic. It describes a parent who knows what’s best for the child regardless of their opinions or feelings. The child is subjected to rigors to achieve measurable accolades, but often at the expense of alienation from the parent and the child’s inner turmoil.
Faith has a cure for well-meaning parents looking to foster a less splintering version of success. Our role as Christian parents is to provide our children with every tool to execute our Heavenly Father’s plan for their life. If we look closely, even from infancy, we’ll often see traces of God’s plan for our child. We might notice how we raise each of our children the same, but they are so different; their temperaments, inclinations, and aspirations can vary, for example. Almost like archeologists, we can mine for those divine clues and fan them.
4- “Discipline Is Old School; it’s More Important to Be Your Child’s Friend”
Certainly, there are different ways to discipline, and some are better than others. I am referring to fair, consistent, and firm discipline that is done with the child’s best interest at heart. It does not always make parents popular, but it does make them relevant.
Leonard Sax is a practicing physician, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. In his book The Collapse of Parenting, he writes about modern parents’ frequent aversion to parenting with authority. This aversion, coupled with the rise of social media, has resulted in a decline in parental influence and a rise in peer influence among youth.
The ramifications of rising peer influence have been detrimental, as Dr. Sax documents through research. Drug usage, dropout rates, anxiety, depression, and even suicide are up among our youth. The grounding voice of parental wisdom is missing, along with necessary parental boundaries for guidance. Just as God frames the world with rules to follow in scripture, children need structure from God and us.
