Beth Ann Baus
1. Most of your interactions are negative.
Because life is stressful, we get tired, and most of us are not experts in communication, negative interactions are bound to happen. The question is, are they a rare occurrence or a regular part of your marriage? This doesn’t have to mean you’re yelling at each other, slamming doors, or throwing things. This can look like intentional disrespect, giving the cold shoulder or the silent treatment. If your interactions are regularly strained in any way, seeking help to strengthen your communication skills is wise.
2. Others express concern for your marriage.
If you’ve ever had a friend or family member approach you with concerns about your marriage, I would ask that you consider how you responded. Were you defensive? Were you surprised or humbled? Did you walk away in a huff, or did you hear them out? We often see ourselves differently than others do, so sometimes, we need someone outside to look in and give us their observations. Do they see closeness or distance? Warmth or coldness? Would they describe your marriage as being healthy or in need of care?
3. One of you has been unfaithful.
We can praise God that, through the work of the Holy Spirit, marriages do survive unfaithfulness. Even so, we can’t ignore the fact that infidelity is a violation of trust that takes time to restore. There is so much destruction left in the wake of infidelity. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of casting blame and perpetuating the hurt. It’s easy to let insecurities creep in, take over, and cause even more damage.
Biblical marriage counseling can offer you both a safe place to process through the pain and move towards healing. You may even find that individual counseling is beneficial alongside your marriage counseling. Working through this pain won’t be easy, quick, or comfortable, but Lord willing, your marriage will come out stronger and healthier than you ever imagined.
4. You’re struggling with infertility.
Infertility can leave couples feeling hopeless and helpless. The thought of having a baby can become all-consuming and fill them with anxiety and depression, as well as feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness. Infertility can cause division in marriage. As emotions run high, it’s easy for couples to blame one another or lash out in anger. It’s easy for sex to become a chore associated with disappointment. Prolonged sadness can lead to a lack of intimacy of every kind.
Infertility can also cause a crisis of faith. It’s easy to question God’s love for you, to wonder if he hears your prayers or if he’s punishing you for something. Marriage counseling can help you process the pain, learn how to support one another, and look to the future with hope and expectation.
5. One or both of you has experienced past abuse or trauma.
We all bring baggage from our past into our marriage. The problem is, we don’t always realize how that baggage affects our relationship with our spouse. As a biblical counselor, I have seen people who have suffered abuse/trauma, sought counseling, and considered themselves free from that past experience. Yet, to their surprise, the current problems in their marriage were directly linked to that experience.
If you or your spouse has suffered abuse or trauma of any kind, there’s wisdom in talking through that experience with a counselor. Let them help you assess the health of your marriage and whether or not your past is affecting your present.
مقال توعوي بيتكلم أمتى نروح لمشير متزوجين و العلامات أو الأشارات اللى لما نشوفها نعرف أننا محتاجين مشورة زواج