Amanda Idleman
1. Seek Unity
1 Corinthians 1:10 instructs, “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.” God tells us that we are to interact with our brothers and sisters in Christ with a heart that seeks unity. He likens us to a body, each of us different in our skills, gifts, and uses, but we all work together towards one mission: to keep the body alive! We do not have to see eye-to-eye on every issue in our relationships to live in unity, but we do have to be humble enough not to let divisions grow among us.
In marriage, this gets hard over time. Even if you are very similar to your partner, you will inevitably approach issues very differently. Remembering not to let these differences become divisions takes intentional humility and so much grace. We must remember, though, different isn’t necessarily wrong. Our differences are actually what makes our world so beautiful. I love that the first tells us to share the ‘same mind and judgment.’ In other words, when it comes down to it, remember you are on the same team! We must be willing to move past our differences and stay focused on our shared goals. In marriage, the goal is shared love. No minor dispute is worth sacrificing the love you are called to have for each other.
2. Embrace Radical Forgiveness
There are so many times I’ve thought in my heart that I could not endure the same feelings of hurt from my husband, not even one more time! What a selfish thought this is. And when I start thinking this way, my relationship with my husband starts to implode. The reality is that I made a vow to love this man for a lifetime, and over a lifetime, we must be willing to accept a million and one apologies in order for our relationship to endure.
Again, barring abuse or infidelity, which can be forgiven as well but require wisdom and counseling to navigate, forgiveness is a daily requirement to remain close to another very flawed human. Guess what? You need to be forgiven that much, too, because you bring just as much selfishness and brokenness to your home each day too! It is easy to see how my husband lacks empathy, love, and kindness, but while I’m worried about pointing out his failures, what plank am I missing that is in my own eye? I have to lay down my right to be right if I want to feel close to this man and embrace a life of radical forgiveness.
3. Be Together
This probably sounds stupidly obvious, but in real life, it’s so hard! If you want to have close friendships, a connected marriage, or know who your children are, you have to be committed to being with them. This is a struggle my husband and I face constantly. We literally have to hide to get a moment to converse before 9 pm, and while hiding, there is always a good chance a fight will break out or a toddler will destroy something. Then at 9 pm, we are so dead tired from work, kids, friends, church, or you name it – we barely have the energy to speak.
We can go on like this for a while, but without investing in each other, we start to forget that we are unified and on the same team. We stop practicing radical forgiveness and start harboring hurts in our hearts. Then soon, one wrong word comes out of one of our mouths, and all hell breaks loose. We are learning it’s vital for us to be together. Even if it means spending money or leaving the kids in front of a screen for a bit, our kids are depending on us to stay together, and if that is going to happen, we have to make sure we spend time being together.
