Keren Kanyago
1. Investigate and Embrace Your Child’s Personality
The four common personality types, as coined by Hippocrates, the Greek physician, are Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic. Granted, your child may not be restricted to one temperament. They may exhibit a mix of traits from each temperament group. The onus on you as their parent is to study them and niche down on their personality type. This will help you understand why they act the way they do.
2. Remember You Have a Short Window to Influence Them
Before you know it, your kids will be rushing off to college and carving out their paths in life. You will no longer be around to affirm them, assure them of your love and make them feel accepted. You want to ensure that they sense acceptance and unconditional love by the time they leave your nest.
Parents should remember that they only have a little time to create an impression on their children. It is difficult to convince a teenager that you accept and value them if they sensed rejection in their tender years. Don’t squander opportunities of cementing love and acceptance in your child. You have a short window to state your case, after which nothing you may say or do will matter. As such, parent the child God gave you, not the one you wished for..
3. Don’t Compare Them to Their Siblings
“You need to get good grades like your brother,” or “You must be courageous like your sister.”
These remarks may seem harmless, but comparing a child to their sibling (or other kids) is counterproductive and damaging. Unsuspecting parents compare their kids to propel them to greatness. However, it has the complete opposite effect. Nobody wants to be depicted as inferior to someone else, least of all young children who are trying to get their footing in life,
Child experts warn that comparing children wrecks havoc on their self-esteem. It also erodes their trust as they assume you are against them. It also sparks sibling rivalry and triggers animosity among kids. They may either feel/act superior or inferior to their siblings.
While correcting or steering your kids to greatness, focus on them individually. Do not stack them up against their siblings or other kids. You don’t have to make them feel inferior to inspire change.
4. Confront Your Shortcomings/Insecurities
Perhaps you also suffered rejection as a child and struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or emotional avoidance. Perhaps you struggle to accept your child as they are because you didn’t sense acceptance as a child. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s important to face your insecurities head-on and seek healing to be a better parent. Consider reaching out to a therapist to help you navigate your pain.
Someday when you are old and gray, your child will talk about you. Will they exude gratitude because you loved and accepted them wholeheartedly, or will they be contending with the pain of rejection? By all means, parent the child you have, not the one you wish you had.
