?I Caught My Kid Viewing Porn. What Am I Supposed to Do Now

By Mike Genung

The Harsh Reality about Kids and Porn

First, we need to face reality. Today’s surveys show that:

• The average age of first exposure to porn is 10. Some statistics say younger.

• 90 percent of eight to 16-year-olds have viewed porn online.

• 80 percent of 15 to 17-year-olds have viewed hard core porn.

• Four out of five 16-year-olds regularly access porn online.

Part of the problem is that many in the church are still living in the ostrich position. Leadership doesn’t address sexual sin from the pulpit, and it’s not discussed in youth groups. We avoid it in the home believing, “there won’t be a problem in my house.”

Then Junior, who’s more tech savvy than Mom and Dad, learns about porn from his peers, many of whom have smartphones with unrestricted internet access. Or maybe he stumbles onto the cache of his father’s porn on the family PC. With statistics showing that 50-60 percent of Christian men view porn, it’s not uncommon.

Then one day the child makes a mistake and his parents find out. If Mom and Dad are grounded in reality, the chances are higher that they respond with wisdom and care. If not, a train wreck of confusion, miscommunication, and isolation is minutes away.

Following is an approach to take when addressing porn with your family. We’ll begin with steps for preparation.

1. Be proactive.

A lot of what the church does today is reactive; we wait until the building is half burned to the ground instead working to protect against a fire. Your child should hear about sex from you first, not his peers. In our pornified culture, this may mean as young as age eight, depending on the maturity of the child. This doesn’t mean you need to dump the whole sex talk truck-load on an eight-year-old, but at least consider the Hansel and Gretel approach of steadily feeding them a few crumbs over time. You should also discuss the dangers of porn with your children and what to do if they’re exposed to it.

2. Set God’s standard for sex.

God made sex for marriage only between one man and one woman. It’s nothing to be ashamed of; the Lord addresses it candidly throughout the Bible. Anything outside of marital sex is sin, can destroy your child’s life when he grows up, and will hurt those he loves. Discuss this plainly with him.

3. Plan ahead

Long before your children are of the age where porn will be an issue, safeguards should be set in the home. This could be as radical as doing away with the TV, or not having cable. Every computer should have a porn blocking solution installed.

4. When appropriate, share your story.

As your child matures, consider discussing your past struggles with lust or porn. This will open new doors in your relationship, show your kids you’re human, and cut the lust-monster down to size when they see that God has made you an overcomer. An appropriate age for such a disclosure might be the teen years, should you decide to go through with it.

And when you discover your child has been exposed to porn (I say when because the odds are heavily stacked that it will)…

5. Don’t freak out.

You want your child to feel safe with you so they feel free to discuss anything. If you condemn or shame them, they’ll shove sex into their “never discuss with Mom and Dad” closet, increasing the risk of retreat into the secret fantasy world of porn addiction. Isolation breeds lust; it’s critical that the doors of communication are kept wide open.

open up with you, which will open the door for your input on how to deal with the problem.

6. Put them at ease.

They’ve not committed the unpardonable sin; if they were inadvertently exposed to porn they haven’t sinned at all. Re-emphasize your love for them. If they’ve been viewing porn for an extended period of time, help them to understand that Jesus died for them and will forgive them; the slate will be wiped clean, along with all the guilt and shame.