Rachel Baker
Faith and Friendship: the Bedrock of a Healthy Marriage
When things were at their darkest in the first few years of our marriage, it was our faith in God and commitment to Christ-like living that kept us fighting for our marriage. When our relationship is at peace, it is the undertones of friendship—not passion—that sustains us.
I truly believe that our foundation of faith and friendship draws us closer; it helps us understand each other better and aligns our hearts towards each other even in the tensest of moments. Just the other night, we had to have a pretty serious conversation. I wasn’t feeling my best, and, as a result, I allowed frustration and exhaustion to speak louder than my own words. Kile picked up on the underlying issues and wisely decided to shelf the conversation and instead help me feel better first. It is a gentle mercy to be seen and heard by our spouses; it is friendship—not romance—that gives us eyes to see and ears to hear each other.
Mutual Respect Can Give Way to Mutual Submission
I haven’t yet had a friend who has agreed with me 100% on all of life’s different issues. Though some of my best friends do come close, there are often nuances of disagreement. The lens through which they view life often expands how I see and interact with the world and my community. Their different perspectives and life experiences can both challenge me and help me develop more robust opinions on a myriad of different topics. We are able to hear each other’s opinions and thoughts because our relationship is rooted in mutual respect.
Mutual respect is a foundation for any healthy friendship; I would argue that this applies to marriage just as much.
A marriage that is built on a foundation of faith and friendship includes a foundation of mutual respect. Mutual respect is a cornerstone of mutual submission. In our relationship, there are areas in which Kile holds a stronger leadership role, and likewise, there are areas in which I lead. We show each other respect by consulting with each other over a myriad of issues, but at the end of the day, sometimes I need Kile to make the final call, and other days he asks me to do the same.
Showing Admiration and Appreciation Allows Us to Thrive in Marriage
I love asking older couples about their relationships, what has worked, what didn’t, what created conflict, and what bound them together over a lifetime.
No one has told me that marriage is easy. In fact, several older couples have told me that walking out of a marriage is sometimes the easier option. And yet, they smile at me with a bit of a twinkle in their eye and remind me that sometimes the best stuff in life is closely tied to the hard stuff in life.
Ultimately, I observe these couples to have a strong admiration and appreciation for each other. These elements, just like the relational building blocks of faith, trust, and respect, can help set the tone for a healthy marriage that endures.
Consider how we react when a friend does something kind for us; we often show appreciation for their actions. We admire our friends for who God has created them to be. Sometimes it’s actually our admiration that draws us together in friendship. The same applies to a healthy marriage; when our relationship is built up by faith, friendship, and respect, we tend to admire our spouses and appreciate who they are and what they bring to the relationship.
A friend who is appreciated and admired thrives in friendship. Similarly, a husband or wife who is appreciated and admired can thrive in their marriage.
