1. Speak Life
Our words build a universe around our kids. We have the ability to shape, build, and describe who they are, so we need to speak life into our children. When we look in the Bible, we can see the power of words.
In the very first chapter, God said, “Let there be light,” and the first dawn was created. Jesus brought the dead to life with his words and healed others. And it doesn’t stop there, our lives revolve around the power of words too, for example, the words, “I do” join two people together for the rest of their lives.
Paul tells us to “Let everything [we] say be good and helpful, so that [our] words will be an encouragement to all who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29)
We need to speak life intentionally over our children the way God has spoken life over us.
2. Turn Negative Labels into Positive Affirmations
It slips off our tongue before we realize what we’ve done. We labeled our kids and it can potentially degrade their self-worth.
What we say becomes our child’s inner voice and it can become a part of their identity. We’ve all heard how we should phrase negative behavior as situational and not as a characteristic quality. The same idea applies here, so we reframe our statements.
Reframing is one of the most powerful tools a parent can have in their verbal arsenal. Putting a positive twist on a seemingly negative behavior can literally change everything.
Once you can identify the positive affirmation to your child’s difficult traits, then you are able to help her gain control, grow, and become who Christ created her to be.
Here is a cheat sheet of turning difficult traits into positive ones.
Negative Labels Positive Affirmations
Insistent Determined
Stubborn Persistent
Cocky Confident
Bossy A Leader / Authoritative
3. Develop Healthy Self-Care Habits
Even though your child may be four, twelve, or fourteen, we need to parent with the end result in mind—we’re raising future adults who need to know their worth in God’s eyes.
Children, just like adults, benefit greatly from consistent and deliberate self-care activities. Doing self-care activities together not only helps your child to cultivate good habits, it also helps your mind and body operate at its best—exactly the foundation you need to be the best parent you can be!
Self-care activities could be making the bed, keeping their room organized, cooking together, Friday night game nights and resting on Sunday after church.
Teaching our children to take care of themselves increases their self-worth.
4. Help Your Child Express Her Feelings and Thoughts
Do you ever hear your child say, “I can’t do that,” or “I’m not good enough.” Licensed parenting expert Lori Wildenberg calls this self-shaming.
Instead of trying to make them feel better about themselves, she offers parents six steps to help your child process her/his feelings. When you hear your child’s self-shaming, she suggests:
1. Mirror back to your child what you see while naming the emotion, “Wow, I can see you are frustrated.”
2. Normalize the struggle. “Most people struggle with one thing or another. It’s okay. We learn through the challenges.”
3. Empathize. Your kids need to know you struggle too. “Math was always hard for me too.”
4. Challenge the self-talk by asking some questions to get a handle on the scope of the struggle. “Is it this particular assignment that is exasperating you?”
5. Re-frame the comment. “This assignment is frustrating.” Rather than, “I’m so stupid.”
6. Play a supportive role. Don’t take over. Ask questions instead. “What’s your plan?” or “How can I help?”
