Amanda Idleman
1. Go to God in Prayer
If intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it’s important that you talk to your spouse about prioritizing one another once again but that can be a tricky conversation to have. Before jumping into fixing this thing with your mate first go to God in prayer. Lay your marriage before His feet and cover whatever is left of your connection with prayer.
His Spirit will go ahead and prepare the way for healing for your relationship! (Jeremiah 30:17) tells us that God heals our wounds. I believe that means both our physical and emotional wounds. Living in a lonely marriage creates a wound. We need God’s power to help us forgive and move forward on a new path.
2. Start the Conversation that Expresses Your Desire to Be More Connected
.After seeking God for your marriage, it’s time to talk to your spouse about how you are feeling. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day hustle we may not even know that our spouse is feeling lonely.
Gently, express your desire to make time for one another. Talk through what about this season feels isolating and how you would hope to better support one another emotionally. Strategize on ways to be together.
Be patient with this process, in my own experience old habits are hard to break. Be open to hearing each other’s concerns and be willing to listen to one another’s point-of-view. Committing to a new normal together takes time, practice, grace for the times you still mess up.
3. Evaluate Your Sex-Life
One sign of a disconnected marriage is a sexless one. Our sex life can wax and wane over time but for us to remain feeling close we have to commit to regularly having sex. When you are feeling lonely and probably hurt because your spouse has not taken the time to be emotionally available it can be very hard to show up in bed!
(1 Corinthians 7:5) instructs us not to withhold sex from one another in marriage unless you have agreed to abstain for a set time frame for the purpose of prayer and fasting. Why does Paul give this seemingly very personal advice? Because he knew that sex is a vital part of keeping our marriages alive.
More sex leads to more connection and conversation. Most women need conversation to have good sex and most men need sex to show up enthusiastically to have conversation. Just get the ball rolling again and you both will reap the benefits!
4. Commit to Being Vulnerable
I’ve found for my own life that I can create my own loneliness because I am unwilling to be fully honest with my husband. He wants to know what is really going on; he wants to support me, but I just won’t open up. Either shame, guilt, depressed thoughts, distraction, unforgiveness, or fear hold me back from letting him in.
Sometimes you have to be the one to take the first vulnerable step in order to bridge that gap. Go to God and lay down those lies and let your spouse in. I am convinced our marriages fail because of what we don’t know about each other more than what we do know.
(2 Peter 3:9) explains that God is not slow in answering our prayers but patient with us. Overcoming loneliness in marriage takes prayer, persistence, and patience. God is faithful to repair and hold together our marriages. Be encouraged that He is with you every step of the way. You are not alone.
