Amanda Idleman
Codependency is when one partner sacrifices all for or ends up being defined by their relationship. The term codependency is defined as “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.”
Codependent relationships are one-sided where one person relies on the other for meeting virtually all of their emotional and self-esteem needs.
Here are some symptoms of codependency:
Low Self-Esteem
The feeling that you are never good enough, don’t deserve love or affection, and always viewing yourself as inferior are all signs that you are suffering from low self-esteem. This is something only you can be the judge of as many who have an inner struggle with feelings of worthlessness may appear to be pompous or over-confident on the outside to mask their true feelings.
Guilt and perfectionism both can lead to negative feelings about yourself. Those with low self-esteem are more likely to feel they don’t deserve better support from their relationships.
They also may grow overly dependent on their partner for affirmation and emotional support–either by expecting to be given to in excess, or in the praise received from meeting their partner’s needs.
People-Pleasing/Care-Taking
We all desire to please our spouses, but those who are codependent cannot say no to their partner without extreme anxiety. An anxiety around disappointing others may be the case in all the codependent persons’ relationships.
Poor Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships. Those in a codependent relationship lack the ability to set up proper lines that help properly divide what is theirs and what is their spouses. In marriage, most every area of your life is intertwined but a healthy relationship there is still discussion and compromises on who handles what and how.
Strong Desire for Control
While codependents may have trouble with boundaries, they still desire control in order to feel safe. That control can come out in unhealthy ways in their relationships. They are so dependent on their partner that they may seek to control them because they desire them to act in certain ways to ensure that they remain okay emotionally
Ways to Heal a Codependent Marriage
Be honest with your spouse. Hiding your needs, struggles, worries, and hurt only hurts your relationship. Taking steps to open up about how you are feeling with your partner is a great way to move towards healthy interdependence.
End the cycle of negative thinking. This is where the help and support of a professional may be invaluable. Practicing mindfulness and retraining yourself to catch and remove negative thinking can stop you from seeking inappropriate affirmation from your partner.
Try to take things less personally. Your spouses poor attitude may just be a product of their own stress. Not stepping in to fix every issue in order to ensure your own emotional stability is a great step in breaking the cycle of codependency.
Set up proper boundaries. Determining healthy places where your needs and your spouses begin is a great way to bring a better sense of balance to your relationship.
