Linda Gilden
1. Pray
There are so many elements involved in relationships that there is usually more than one area that needs work when communication is broken. And, the One who can help break through the lines of hurt and miscommunication is God. So the very first thing we need to do is ask Him to help us restore the family relationship. Tell Him what is in your heart and how you feel about what has happened. Sure He already knows, but vocalizing that hurt and your desire for restoration of the relationship will open the door for you to listen to what God has to say.
We must also pray for each person who is involved in the family. God created families to be the backbone of our country, and it is important to keep those families strong and healthy. So pray for your family. You will find it is hard to pray for someone and stay mad at them.
2. Forgive
It is not up to us to judge those we love. We all make mistakes. When our adult children make mistakes that affect us, we must forgive them and move on to grow together.
When your children become adults, your job as an advisor becomes optional, and you should only give advice when asked. When you follow that rule, you will probably be asked your opinion more often. If we can adopt the position of a friend instead of advisor, your role as a mentor may be extended.
Isaiah 30:18 tells us that God is “a God of justice.” So we must trust Him to bring judgment where needed. We don’t have to worry about getting even for any wrong we perceive has been done to us. We must forgive those who have hurt us. God forgave us in a big way when he sent His son Jesus to die for us. Forgiveness is the beginning to complete healing when relationships are broken.
3. Help and Be Available
Adult children often need help. If we can make ourselves available, you will often find that conversation in the midst of doing something with your hands becomes deeper and more intimate. If parents can be patient, the time will come when their adult children will ask for help with some part of living on their own – changing a light bulb, painting the kitchen, etc. And once your adult children have their children, they will almost always welcome help with the grandchildren.
It is really hard for parents to pass up an offer of help, even from grandparents they may be mad at. Your patience will pay off. Making yourself available may not always be convenient, but it may be necessary to get through a difficult period.
4. Realize you have differences
God made each of us unique, and all relationships will have rough times. If you know the personalities of your children and their spouses, it will help you understand the best way to communicate with them. For instance, if you have a Mobilizer child, you probably already know that the best way to communicate with that child is directly and to the point. Lists also work well with the Mobilizer. If your child is a Socializer personality, you have probably figured out that the more fun you can make your time together, the better it will be received. For those Stabilizer personalities, you must take it easy and give them the space and solitude they need to decompress and respond in a less stressful way. Then your Organizer personalities will need time to process the differences between you and think through the problem to respond in a well thought out manner.
As you pray for your loved ones, never stop praying, and as you pray, thank God that He created your family. As you begin with thankfulness, He will bring to mind all the wonderful things about your family and remind you they are worth fighting for. Today’s world provides many distractions for families, and life is often difficult. No matter what problems you encounter along life’s road, they are not insurmountable. God wants the best for your family. Don’t get in His way.
